Who’s Afraid of the Big, Bad RFS? The Story of Tesoro and the Three Little Pigs

February 27, 2017 |

BD TS 022817 Tesoro cover sm

Here is a link to a thought-provoking document that you might like to read – the sad tale of how oil refiners reacted in different ways to the advent of the Renewable Fuel Standard. Some developed a strategy, some invested, others sat around wishing for renewable fuels to go away. It’s a long document, but well worth the read.

But we’re the Digest, so here’s a shorter and more lively version. 

Once upon a time there were Three Little Pigs and they went off to seek their fortunes as oil refiners on the lea by the other side of the mountain. And with a wack and a thwack and a frack, each Little Pig found lots of oil to refine. And they all settled in to make their fortunes.

But on the lea of the other side of the mountain lived a great, big wolf named Rufus, only he didn’t like vowels very much and spelled his name Rfs. He didn’t like the way that the Three Little Pigs’ business was changing his weather.

And the three little pigs were sore afraid of Rufus the Wolf, and debated what to do.

“Why, I will blend my oils with a pure stream of energy from the sun,” said Tesoro the Third Little Pig, “and I will still make my fortune, but it will stop changing the weather, and Rufus will leave me alone.”

And the other two little pigs laughed at their poor brother Tesoro.

“Where will you get these streams of energy from the sun? said the Second Little Pig. “It’ll take forever and will cost you the earth, and there will be no time left for fun in the sun and singing tra-la-la, and no money left for popcorn and fairy floss and ponies and merry go-rounds.”

“I won’t say that it wouldn’t be hard,” said Tesoro the Third Little Pig. “And I won’t say that it will not cost a lot of money. But it is the right thing to do and the right way to go.”

“Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha,” was all the First Little Pig could say, rolling on the ground laughing to himself. “What a dumb brother I have. Building streams from the sun, when he could be singing:

“Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf
The Big Bad Wolf, the Big Bad Wolf?
Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf,

And the First Little Pig sat by the side of the lake iby the lea, and scratched himself, and counted his fortune.

“One zillion, two zillion, three zillion, four,
Five zillion, six zillion, now I’ll make more.”

Then, along came Rufus the Big Bad Wolf, and he cried, “Who is that spoiling my weather?”

“Why, it’s me,” said the First Little Pig, with a tra-la-la-la-la.

“Well, I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your refinery down,” said Rufus the Wolf, and he did. And the First Little Pig cried and went wee-wee-wee all the way to his brother’s place.

Then, along came Rufus the Big Bad Wolf to the house of the Second Little Pig, and he cried, “Who is that spoiling my weather?”

“Why, it’s me,” said the Second Little Pig, with a tra-la-la-la-la. But the First Little Pig had warned him about all the huffing and puffing. And so the Second Little Pig hired a lobbyist to go the the Palace and beg the king to make it illegal for wolves to huff and puff. And the King said that he might agree.

But then the Third Little Pig said to the King, “if you listen to my brothers,  they will never learn. They should have spent their time and money capturing energy streams from the sun. But they scratched themselves and sang tra-la-la-la-la, and now they beg you to spare them.”

And since this is Fairyland, the King thought about it and agreed with the Third Little Pig, and he said to Rufus the Wolf that he could huff and puff and blow the refineries down. And when the First and the Second Little Pigs saw that the Wolf was coming for them and there was no stopping him, they begged their brother Tesoro for some of the energy streams from the sun, and blended them with their oils.

And Tesoro the Third Little Pig helped his brothers, and they went to work at his house and became his helpers. And the weather improved, and there was beauty and peace once again iby the lea on the other side of the mountain. Even Rufus was content.

And Tesoro became the richest little pig that ever was, and they all lived happily ever after.

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